I felt betrayed by God

OLIA

I Felt Betrayed By God!

I became a Christian when I was 18. I was born in Southern Russia.  I was very passionate about Jesus, active in Church, was baptized by the Holy Spirit and shared the Gospel. God has blessed me a lot.

When God baptized me with the Holy Spirit I had a strong desire to tell people about Jesus. I was sharing the Good news about Christ almost everyday. I felt very close to God. I used to spend hours praying and reading the Bible.

Once I had a nightmare. The devil was chasing me in my dream. He swore to me that he would get me.  When I woke up in the middle of the night, the fear did not go away. It just intensified. The fear filled every cell of my brain and was driving me insane. I knew I was in the presence of evil. I was in my room, but everything looked like I was in another dimension. I desperately started praying and praising God. This was the only thing that kept me in a right mind. I prayed almost all night. The evil left only early in the morning.

When I shared my experience with one of the American missionaries in my Church, he told me that the devil is chained and can never harm any Christian. I was never taught anything about spiritual warfare and I did not have any idea that I had to do something to resist the enemy.  I have learned the truth the hard way.  Only three years later did I learn that the devil is alive and well on planet Earth and he hates and fights against everyone who decides to commit his/her life to Jesus Christ.

Very soon after my baptism by the Holy Spirit, I subconsciously started feeling that I was more special to God than any other Christian and other people. I started feeling that way because of all the material and spiritual blessings that God gave me.  My tutoring business was prospering in Russia; I received grants to travel abroad and in addition, I was awarded a full scholarship to attend a graduate school in Columbia University in New York.

During one of my prayers, God told me that I had to repent. God warned me about my pride and told me to repent or I WOULD FALL. He said that I was no more special than anybody else.  He also told me not to judge others. Unfortunately, I was more excited about the fact that God was speaking to me than the fact that I had to obey Him and did what He told me.

Living in New York City… 
Four years ago, as of this writing date, I moved to New York to study towards a Master’s degree at Columbia University.  In New York, things did not go the way I had hoped for. I had a lot of struggles and did not understand why God allowed me to suffer so much. Even though God blessed me a lot with a full scholarship to study at Columbia, I did not trust Him and did not thank Him in my difficult times. Instead, I hated New York and Columbia and I started grumbling and complaining a lot.   

This was the beginning of my fall. I became very depressed and was in agonizing pain and fear. I fasted, regularly prayed, read the Bible, and went to Church, but the agony and fear did not go away; it was lacerating my soul so that it was even hard for me to walk and to talk. Every movement required so much strength. It felt like someone was dragging me down and hindering my movements. I was constantly harassed by the devil who was telling me that I was a total loser and a failure. 

After a year of my agony, God drew me back to Him for a very short time. He spoke to me and I wrote down His Words in my diary. Only in two years did I understand what He told me. God told me that I would have a very severe trial and I would suffer a lot, but He promised to get me through all my sufferings and produce very fruitful change within me.

While I was hearing God’s voice I was also be able to hear the voice of a demon. I was completely oblivious to the fact that demons can counterfeit God’s voice to deceive Christians. I did not know that I had to test every word against the Bible. That’s why -- when I heard that I would get the internship in World Bank and would meet my future husband in D.C. -- I believed that it was from God.  The demon was speaking to my fleshly desires. I liked it and I believed it.  I had some doubts, but I also thought that God could never allow a demon to deceive me.

Shortly after that, my only Christian friend in New York left the City for the summer. I was left alone. Even though I lived in the City for a year, I still did not have Christian friends. I attended the Church, but still did not know anyone there.   

I became even more depressed. I was completely alone and did not have anyone to share my struggles with. I thought that God did not care and did not love me anymore since He did not answer my prayers to find a church and have Christian friends.  I hit my bottom when I failed my interview in the World Bank and was not given a job offer. I could not understand why God allowed a demon to deceive me.  I did not want to live anymore and started thinking of committing suicide. I could not bear my incessant agony. 

Then I realized that I could not even die because I would go to hell and be in even more pain for eternity. I felt trapped. I did not want to live and could not die. I felt like I lived in hell. The pain was so bad that I even started cutting myself with a knife because physical pain was much more bearable than spiritual torment.  The evil was always around me, penetrating my brain, tormenting my soul, always ready to speak to me and dragging me down.  The more I prayed and read the Bible the more I was harassed by the voice, and the more agony I had. I did not know what to do and I was unable to resist.

Then I did something unspeakable.  I could not take the pain anymore and I broke. I became so angry with God that I told God to get out of my life. I told Him that I hated Him and I did not want to talk with Him anymore and be with Him. Since I often talked to Him, I needed to literally make myself stop thinking about Him. I stopped praying and reading the Bible.  I decided to follow my way.  Little did I know the dire aftermath of my decision. I did not realize that I left God and turned to follow the devil. I didn't realize that you either serve God or Satan -- there is no third option.

I now realize that God was always watching over me regardless of all my bad decisions.

In the middle of the summer I found a church and made several friends. I finally had someone to talk to and go out with. New York is a very difficult place for Christians. Now I understand that my friends from church were going through a lot of struggles as well. However, being personal and praying for each other and focusing on Jesus were not the things that we did. Pursuit of a successful career and a marriage partner held much more importance.

One Sunday I met a guy at church. I instantly became attracted to him. Looking back ...  I understand that the moment I turned my eyes from Jesus I became completely vulnerable to Satan. It gave him power over me to control my feelings and my thinking. And since I did not have love for God in my heart, I needed a substitute. I became obsessed with that guy.

When I realized that my relationship with the guy would not work out,  I started praying to God and reading the Bible.  Nevertheless - I  never asked God to be the Lord of my life again.  I just wanted Him to help me in the mess I made.  By not giving all my life to God I was powerless to break the relationship. I did not know back then why I could not stop that guy from using me, and could not say “no” to him. I was trapped in my own feelings and was not able to escape. I knew with all my heart that I was sinning against God.

I was trapped in this relationship for a year. Since this guy did not read the Bible and did not like talking about God, I decided to stop doing it as well.  So I turned more away from God and I finally lost myself.  I lost any sense of direction in my life. For 6 years I tried to build up my life based on my relationship with Christ. My identity was that of a Christian. When I gave up Christ, I lost my identity; I did not know where I was going and how I had to live without Christ.

After my graduation, I worked in New York for a summer. I had a job with a prestigious investment bank and I was very good at what I was doing. My boss told me how much he liked my work and how smart and talented I was. I became even more proud and conceited. After my relationship with that guy ended, I felt I needed to turn to something else to fill the void. I still thought that I did not need God. I still was angry with Him for not giving me what I asked Him for.  My career became my idol.  I worshiped my idol fervently.

Living in Moscow…
When I went to Moscow,  I arranged ten interviews with the top foreign banks.  Surprisingly to me, things did not work out. I was not able to find a job I wanted. I know now that a part of each interview ending in "defeat" was my arrogant and proud attitude that seemed to help me so much in New York, but no one needed this arrogant attitude in Moscow.

I ended up with a job that I hated. I had to leave it in three months. I was able to find another job in Moscow. When I was told to leave my second job, because I was not a perfect fit for the position, and when I was turned down in all my interviews in London, I realized that God had been trying very hard to get my attention.

I lost my second job in April (2004). I had a number of interviews, but no job offers. Nothing was working out for me. I ended up being cornered by the circumstances. I was running of money, could not get a job and failed all my interviews, I did not have friends and I did not have anyone. I was facing a prospect of ending up on the streets. It is ONLY THEN I decided to seek help from God as MY LAST resort. God finally got my attention. I started praying to Him.

However, I felt it would be impossible for me to repent. I downloaded the Bible from the Internet because I had thrown away all my Bibles when I left New York.  I started reading the New Testament again.

One day, when I learned that my last interview did not work out, I cried out to God for help.  I felt desperate. Then I started hearing the voice of the devil again telling me that God does not love me and He will not forgive me and I have to throw myself out of the window. The voice was very convincing and powerful that I thought that I would go insane.  Weeping, I opened the Bible and started reading out loud even though I could not understand a single word ... but the voice was gone.

I realized that I had sinned greatly against God and needed to know whether He could forgive me. I remembered the stories in the Old Testament of Israel -- kings who sinned against God, but then repented. I started reading those stories. I realized that my pride and my disobedience were two of my greatest sins ... not all of them of course.

During the time of my turning to God I found the website of Precious Testimonies. (www.precious-testimonies.com)  I read almost all the testimonies on their website. I was so moved by the love of God in the lives of people. I was also touched by suffering and pain everyone went through to find Jesus Christ. I needed so much to know that God could forgive my sins.

Through the Bible, and the testimonies, I realized that I did not give Jesus ALL my life and that I was holding onto what I wanted and was afraid to let it go and give it to Jesus.  I also realized what great power my sins gave to Satan to ruin my life. I learned what is like to go the devil’s way.  I do not want selfishness anymore. I wanted to serve Jesus even though it would not be easy and sometimes very hard. But Jesus gives true life and He knows what is best for me.

God was very merciful and gracious to me and His Holy Spirit led me to repentance. He condemned my pride and my disobedience and my sexual impurity.  On June 12, 2004, I accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord and asked Him to forgive all my sins and to be the Lord of ALL my life -- not only part of it.  I told Him to take all my selfish dreams and desires and put in me His dreams and desires. I gave Him all my fears. I told Him that I did not want to serve Satan anymore and that I wanted to serve Him - Jesus. All my past decisions led me to a complete collapse. I wanted Jesus to take charge of my life and change it the way He wants it changed, and not the way I want things to go.

I felt such a relief. For the first time in three years I was walking on the streets smiling and breathing freely again. I felt so light and so free.

I was living in Moscow for almost a year, but I still did not make a single Christian friend. Before my repentance I attended another Christian Church but I still did not know anyone. Because of my New York habit of being impersonal I found it very hard to open up and share with people. This was the reason that no one knew what I was going through and this was the reason why I did not have anyone to tell about my struggles.

After my conversion I thought that I would be able to come to God on my own by praying, repenting and reading the Bible.  But in a few days after my repentance I felt like all hell broke loose against me. I started seeing a hairy creature. I was praying and praying and reading the bible. I fasted. I claimed the blood of Jesus on me. This awful image did not go way. I felt like I was going insane. At night I barely could fall asleep; the voice started telling me again that God could not forgive me because I had sinned against the Holy Spirit and committed the sin that Jesus could not forgive.

The next day I woke up bitter and angry. I felt the burden and heaviness again. I started praying to God, asking Him to forgive me and thanked Jesus for dying for me. But my struggles were getting harder and harder. That day I realized that I could not fight the devil on my own. I needed help. I desperately needed someone to pray for me.

The Truth has been revealed… 
When I realized that I desperately needed someone to pray for me, I decided to forward my prayer request to ministers of the Precious Testimonies website. The ministers not only prayed for me, but also gave me an important guidance via e-mail. It was they who opened my eyes to the truth – that the devil is alive and well on earth and he wages a war against Christians. I understood that it was the demons that inflicted me with so much pain and sufferings. And it was NOT God to blame for my sufferings. I have also learned that the devil sifts all Christians like wheat. The enemy attacked -- persecuted Peter and Paul and the rest of the disciples and he does it today with no less intensity and fierceness.

Spirit Realm… 
When I was being oppressed by the enemy just after my repentance, God opened my eyes to see some of the spirit world. As I have mentioned, I instinctively thought that I was going insane when I saw a hairy creature.  After sending my prayer request, I felt a great peace. I knew that somebody started praying for me.

However, I continued seeing the demons around me. When I woke up the next day, I not only saw the evil spirits around me, but also I was able to see my angel. The images were transparent.  I was not scared at all.  I was able to see into the spirit realm for a couple of weeks. God taught me invaluable lessons during that time.

Lesson 1:  Demons cannot stand hearing the Word of God. 
Once I came home from Church and was reading the Scripture. I looked up and I saw a couple of evil spirits. I started praying to God for help. I was not scared but was simply uncomfortable to be able to see the evil spirits. While I was asking God to help me, I heard the voice in my spirit saying “Read the Scriptures.”

I asked: “What?” The voice repeated: “Read the Scriptures.”  I obeyed and started reading the Scriptures. But in a little while God said to me: “Read it out loud.” I got a bit confused, but God repeated: “Read the Scriptures out loud.” When I started reading the Scriptures out loud I noticed the evil spirit covered its ears with its paws and started moving its body like in a great torment. This is how I learned that the demons cannot stand hearing the Word of God. The Word of God applied in faith and truth is a great weapon against the powers of darkness.

Since then, I have developed a habit to read the Word of God out loud. I have also downloaded the New Testament in MP3 format. When I am at home I almost always keep my audio Bible on. I listen to my audio Bible while I eat, while I cook, while I do my make up, etc.  A number of times God brought to my attention very important verses and explained their meaning during the time when I was eating or getting ready for work. My roommate asked me once what kind of recording has won my full attention that I have been listening to it 24/7. 

I also downloaded an audio New Testament on my Pocket PC. When an opportunity arises I try to listen to the Scriptures at work. Many times during the attacks of the enemy at work, I resort to listening to the Bible as one of my methods that assists me in winning my battles.   

I also learned that demons are especially tormented by the Book of Revelation, in particularly chapters 17, 18, 19 where the Scriptures talk about their final destiny. They absolutely can’t stand hearing the verses about the fallen Babylon and the verse about the devil and his false prophets thrown into the lake of fire. 

There were several times when I have threatened demons to read the Book of Revelation if they did not stop their harassment and did not recede. Of course, I always kept my word and read parts of the Book of Revelation to them anyway. This particular technique is not a panacea. It does not guarantee a victory in all attacks, but it is a good complementary weapon on our side. God always helps me to come up with a particular verse that is able to silence the voice of the enemy. I have learned that not all the verses can silence the harassment of the enemy, but only those verses that apply to a particular situation. For example, waiving the sword in the air and hitting to the left when the enemy is to the right does not help to overcome the enemy.  It is only when launching the blow to the target can one win the battle. The same is true with the verses in the Bible and the enemy’s lie and harassment. Only specific verses can silence the harassment of the enemy; that’s why it is ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE to study the
Scriptures diligently and to memorize the verses.

Lesson 2: Demons constantly try to inject evil/deceptive thoughts into my mind.  
Very often they disguise their deceit so subtly that it is very hard to distinguish between their voice and my thoughts.  Therefore, constant feeding my brain with the Word of God, praying and standing alert and vigilant are crucial to be able to distinguish my thoughts from the lie of the enemy.

When I learned the truth about the fury of Satan and his demons, I started recognizing a lot of their subtle attacks, mainly attacks to convince me in their lie.  I have realized that a lot of things that come to my brain do not come from me or of the Holy Spirit all the time, but come from the demons frequently.

The fact that I was able to see how demons operate around me has helped me immensely to recognize their attacks and fight against them. It is absolutely crucial to recognize their attack in its inception and not allow them to take any hold in our mind. The first thing that they do is to inject the lie in our mind.  If any lie is accepted by our mind, it is extremely difficult to recognize the lie later on and fight against the demons. No wonder the Scriptures give us so many warnings, calling us to be sober at all times, girding up our mind, be alert, watch, be not conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind (renewed by the Word of God). 

I have learned that controlling my mind is a must thing. 

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;)

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; (2 Cor. 10:4-5). 
 
It is an unceasing battle for me to bring my every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ and to destroy every high thing that demons try to exalt in my mind against the knowledge of Christ. I recall one particular attack when my mind was so strongly attacked by the enemy that I had to read the Scriptures out loud without ceasing for several hours.
 
When the demons attack my mind, I also found it very effective to let them know that I know that they are attacking. Since they like to work in disguise and do not like to be exposed, letting them know that they are exposed is one of the effective ways to fight against them.

I remember one particular battle when I seemed to be unable to stop the enemy’s harassment. The demons continued bringing to my mind the situation at work where I was despitefully used and humiliated. Then they were injecting in my mind all possible lies inciting me to hate my coworkers and rebel against God.  I tried everything that once was effective against them in previous attacks, but this time it did not work. It was an ongoing battle that I could not find a way to win. And then one morning, when the demons launched their usual harassment, God taught me an effective method. I told the demons that every time they would bring in my brain a particular situation where my coworkers had humiliated me, I would pray for my coworkers, would bind the demons that control them and would ask God to strengthen His warrior angels that were fighting against the demons. Sure enough after proving that I was not kidding about praying for my coworkers, the demons soon receded and the battle was won. Of course, I continue praying for my coworkers, but during my prayer time.

Lesson 3: Demons affect my feelings to deceive me. 
(Important note:  Before proceeding with Lesson 3, I would like to forewarn you that the lesson that God has taught me on feelings is very hard to grasp in theory without personally experiencing what I describe.  I would like to emphasize that I do not claim that all negative feelings come from demons.  I also do not claim that we must always feel great and uplifted.  We humans are very emotional creatures and are very much affected by adverse circumstances and experience all variety of feelings and emotions. 

Yet, there are times when our negative feelings come directly from demons.  We must always seek God's guidance and ask God to teach us to discern when our feelings come as a result of demonic attacks and ask God to teach us to fight against demons afflicting us with negative feelings.)

God taught me to fight against those demons by NOT ACTING ACCORDING TO MY FEELINGS. It is a form of denying myself, which is denying my feelings and emotions and choosing to do God’s commandment irrespective of how I feel.

God also taught me to ENDURE pain and sufferings that those demons afflict me with. I learned that EMOTIONAL PAIN is one of the BEST methods that helps me to walk HUMBLY before the LORD and helps me to be on constant alert against the enemy.

I have learned that the demons are capable of affecting our feelings with sadness, discouragement, hopelessness, feeling like God has lied to us or forsaken us (and in my case, actually felt betrayed by God), feeling like God really can't be trusted or His Word trusted, feeling like God is not hearing our prayers, let alone answering them, feeling like God doesn't love us, or if we've gotten extremely angry at God, feeling like God would never forgive us, etc., in order to rob you and I of the joy of our salvation which is in our spirit.  I'll say that again so you don't miss that ... it is in our spirit. 

I am coming to understand that the fruits of the Holy Spirit like joy and peace are NOT pure emotions and feelings as those fruits are in our spirit. I recall one instance when I spoke the truth, but was rejected as evil, I certainly DID NOT FEEL any feelings of joy and peace, but was very much emotionally hurt. Yet, I indeed HAD joy and peace in MY SPIRIT which did not come in form of feelings per se, but came in form of understanding that I was spoken evil of and revived for Christ and I have experienced the fellowship of Christ’ sufferings. Because of this I have rejoiced greatly in my spirit though I was very hurt emotionally and cried.

I believe that fruits of the Holy Spirit are not pure emotions and feelings; it is something different that I am unable to describe.

I have both learned to fight against the lie and stand on the truth of the gospel (joy and peace given to me by Jesus in my spirit) and not to yield to the deceptive power of the demons to deceive me to believe my feelings, rather than to believe the Truth of God's Word ... and let the Word of God be the final authority on the matter.

I remember once last summer I came home from work very discouraged and I saw the demons cheerfully jumping around me because I was discouraged. That scene made me very furious. The last thing I wanted was to give the demons’ a chance to triumph and rejoice in my life. So I simply looked at them, took a deep breath, had my dinner, summoned all the strength that I had left and said out loud: “God - thank you for my job and thank you for the joy and peace I have in my spirit.”  I went to my room and started reading the Scriptures out loud. I did not see demons cheerfully jumping around me after that.

During last summer the demons often were attacking me with the feelings of discouragement and depression. I vehemently fought against them. They do not apply that particular tactic to me very often. It is not very effective because I strive NEVER to follow my feelings. I NEVER read the Bible because I feel like it and I NEVER pray because I feel like it. I read the Word and pray because I am commanded to do it and because I want to show my allegiance to God. If I recognize that the demons attack me with negative feelings, I immediately thank God for the joy and peace that I have in my spirit, rebuke the demons and continue with my business as I have planned.

The demons’ sole purpose in attacking my feelings is to control me via my feelings. If I do not follow my feelings, but follow the Word of God, their attacks are in vain.

I have noticed that once the enemy’s attacks are recognized and vehemently fought against with the Sword (the Word) and Faith (Shield) the enemy recedes soon. Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 15:57) and who always causes us to triumph (2 Cor. 2:14).

I know that demons affect not only our feelings with negative emotions, but also with positive counterfeit emotions that can be easily interpreted as the presence of God.  I have learned that God never operates via our emotions and feelings. God operates only via His Word and our faith. Demons ALWAYS operate via emotions and feelings of their victims so that victims would pray and read the Bible when they feel like it and not because God commands them to do it. It is too bad that so many Christians do not realize that just because they feel good during their prayer or worship, it does not mean that the feelings come from God. God seldom does anything to us just to make us feel good in the emotional realm.  He has a completely different purpose for us. 

Once I attended worship at a certain church.  I felt something that I used to call “the presence of the Holy Spirit.” After the worship I came up to one young lady. The young lady told me that she enjoyed “the presence of the Lord” so much that she did not want to do anything else, but only enjoy “the presence of the Lord.” I immediately asked myself a question, “Is it really the presence of my God?  Does my God that I serve call His children to passivity? Or does my God command that His children be on constant alert and prayer?”

Lately God has taught me never to accept the feelings of a “counterfeit presence of the Lord” coming from demons.

Remember Satan with the help of his demons can counterfeit ALL the gifts of the Holy Spirit and the feelings of the presence of God. Please do not immediately accept anything supernatural happening at Church as workings of God. TEST IT FIRST to see whether the manifestations are in accordance with the Scripture. Seek God’s guidance. This is God’s commandment that you test the spirits. Do not blindly believe your pastors and teachers; test every their word and every supernatural manifestation at Church against the Word of God. Word of God is the ONLY ultimate authority.

Confirmation of my spiritual warfare experience
After realizing how strong and vicious my enemy is, I decided to learn more about spiritual warfare from Christian literature in addition to learning about it in the Bible and from my personal experience. I was introduced to Rebecca’s books by one Christian at church that I started attending soon after my conversion. I was greatly encouraged to see that many things I have learned in my spiritual warfare have been confirmed by Rebecca in her books. Receiving a confirmation of my experience has been very important to me since I have not had anyone whom I could confide in.

In addition, it was equally important to me to realize that I was not the only one who has been attacked by the enemy. There are a lot of God’s children that are going through many similar, intense battles.  Understanding this has helped me to silence the voice of the enemy who was harassing me with the fact “that I am lonely and alone and do not have friends.”  He does not dare to do this anymore, because I know that I am neither lonely (Jesus is always with me) nor am I alone (a lot of God’s children are fighting against the enemy). Even though I do not have any friends in Moscow at this writing, I know this has been arranged by God as a part of my training to learn to trust Him and rely in everything on Him

Satan’s deceptive work at churches
After reading Rebecca’s books I did a Google search and found her website. At the website I came across two prophesies/visions about the US elections written by Rebecca’s husband, Daniel. I was shocked to learn about the enemy’s plans.

I have witnessed many confirmations both in the world news and at church that Daniel’s prophesy were 100% true and from God.  My eyes have opened to see the enemy’s very subtle work at Churches including:
• Selfish, self-centered prayers
• Sermons focusing on God’s love as a means of gain and focusing exclusively on what God can do for us and not what we can do to serve God and walk in obedience to Him.
• Prophesies about God’s continual love and never about the need to turn away from our sins and care for the lost.
• Not once did I hear in the churches I attended that Christians are going to suffer for Jesus (and in fact, the more serious they are for God the more they actually probably will suffer unjustly); that they need to recognize and learn how to deny their selfishness; that suffering is usually a daily occurrence in one form or fashion and that they need to take up their daily cross of unjust suffering and follow after Christ no matter what the pain - no matter what the cost. 
• What I did seem to be hearing mostly was a subtle message of what God will do for me if I adhere to the correct "formulas" and not what I'm supposed to do for Him to walk in holiness and lay my selfishness and greed down to help others come to God and grow in God. 

Cost of Jesus’ Discipleship 
Last September, I volunteered to give a Bible lesson to shed some light on the cost of Jesus’ discipleship and Satan’s war against Christians.  I made a selection of verses answering the following questions:
• Does Jesus promise wealth to His disciples?
• Does Jesus promise complete physical health to His disciples?
• What does Jesus promise to His disciples? 
• Did the promises of prosecutions and sufferings come true in the life of Christians in the New Testament?
• Does God tolerate sin in the life of Christians? Why were Christians persecuted?
• Why does the Word of God say that everyone who wants to live a godly life will be persecuted?
• Does God allow the devil to directly attack Christians? 

I noticed that while I was reading the Scriptures some people became restless. When I got down to reading the verse about the devil sifting Peter like wheat, one young man burst out with anger. He vehemently objected to my reading the verse.  He claimed that the verse had nothing to do whatsoever with Peter’s denial. He did not even allow me to further read the Scripture to explain the verse. I had never encountered such a strong opposition to God’s Word from a group of believers, and I did not even say anything of myself.  I was simply reading from the Word of God!

When I asked the young man to let me at least continue reading the Scriptures, he said that he would not permit any false teaching at our small group. Other group members also confronted me and asked me to tell them my underlying message of reading all those verses. They did not let me finish reading the Scriptures. They almost fled from my apartment like I was a witch. I was very hurt and cried.

In a few days God spoke to me. God told me: “They will reject your name as evil. Great is your reward in heaven. You will get hurt. I will help you. Trust in Me only, My Word only. I will come and recompense every one for his work. Pray for them. The strongholds have to be destroyed first. The strongholds are:
• Flesh
• Love of material possession
• Love of self
• Pleasure

You will suffer, do not love yourself, deny yourself. Learn to deny yourself in everything that comes against Me. Read my Word and pray always. I will glorify Myself through you. This will come through pain and sufferings that you will have. Learn to be content with what you have. I want to be the only source of your pleasure and containment. Nobody else. Pray for the spreading of My word and destruction of the work of the enemy. Learn to trust Me. Learn to rejoice in your sufferings.  Pray for destruction of lies and deceit that corrupted the minds of My children. I love them all equally. Submit to My will. Glory belongs only to Me. Pray, always pray. Destruction is coming on this world. Those who serve Me will survive; those who do not serve Me will be destroyed. Pray.”

Later I found the following confirmation in the Word of God. 
2 Timothy 3:1-5:  This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

At the time of this writing, God’s promise to me about being rejected as evil by my home bible group has been fulfilled.

In July 2005, I was thrown out from the Bible group as a heretic and evil doer. I was told not to come back to their small fellowship group and to their Church anymore.

Before leaving the group God has allowed me to address them with the words that He gave me last September. I told them that God loves all His children equally, but lie and deceit corrupted the mind of His children. I said that Satan has conquered many Churches with his lie and deceit. I told them about the strongholds at Church which are flesh, love of material possession, love of self and pleasure. I said that destruction is coming to this world and those who serve Jesus will survive, but those who do not serve Jesus will be destroyed. I said that every one will be tested with fire. I told them that when their false doctrines fail them and their faith collapse, they should open their Bible and ask Jesus to teach them the truth and Jesus would teach them the truth as He taught me the truth. I entreated them to remember this.

While I was leaving the small bible group, I have heard them clapping their hands and rejoicing that I was leaving and would not come to their group anymore.

I have realized that they rejected me because for the last year I was telling them that Jesus' gospel is not a prosperity gospel, following Christ does not mean to have every wish granted, walking after Christ is not an easy ride; God does not like selfishness; serving Christ means denying oneself; not all famous pastors are indeed serve Christ; multitude false teachers and false prophets have inundated Churches, we must learn to discern false doctrines; false doctrines must be denounced; Satan is advancing in the world and Christian community; those who want to make it, must get ready, learn the doctrine of Christ and watch out.

Since my conversion, I have experienced a number of attacks from the enemy coming from a roommate, my coworkers, and the members of my small Bible fellowship and, of course, coming from my fleshly desires. The enemy is using everything and everyone to tempt me and try to destroy me.  I have learned that Jesus really meant it, when He said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). During the intensity of my battles, sometimes I feel that my cross is too heavy.  It is overly hard to overcome frequent fierce attacks of the enemy, but God has always been faithful and provided me with the right verses to silence the enemy’s harassment and has given His wisdom to humble myself before Him and not open my mouth before those who falsely accuse me. 

I have recently discovered that even in the heat of the battle when everything/everyone is turning against me IT IS POSSIBLE to retain the joy and peace that Jesus promises us in our spirit, even though I am not feeling joy and peace in the emotion realm.  The demons can only hurt me physically (my body) and emotionally (pain and hurt), yet if I stand on the Word of God, they cannot hurt my spirit where God dwells. The Word of God, prayer and faith ARE THE MIGHTY WEAPONS against the enemy. 

Summary of lessons I learned from God 
1. God taught me that every Christian has demons assigned to him/her from Satan to destroy him/her. Nobody is an exception. God assigns to us an angel or angels to assist us.  If we are allowed to see the spirit world around us we would see the demons and the angel/s around us.
 
2. Demons always follow us around; they know our weakness/s so they are planning to attack us when we are the most vulnerable. It is crucial for me to know my weakness/s and ask the Lord to turn my weakness/s into strength/s. Denying myself and forsaking everything that I hold dear and has no God-glorifying eternal value or significance is imperative. It is the only way of becoming less vulnerable to the enemy.
 
3. Demons’ goal is to make me rebel against God, to make me complain, grumble and be angry at my Master Jesus, and discredit God's people without merit.  When I found out that my sufferings and problems come from the enemy and not from God I learned to redirect all my fury at demons.
 
4. The way I vent my fury at demons when they attack me is by striving to do everything that God commands me to do and never yielding any ground to the enemy. I know what the enemy wants from me and I am determined not to give it to him willfully. Of course, this is a fierce and difficult fight. I know whom I am facing, the most powerful being after God.  The most vicious enemy that a human can have on this earth. I do not expect any fair treatment from my enemy. I do not expect that he will simply allow me to cause a damage to his kingdom and live happily ever after in his kingdom here on earth. I have counted my cost. Everything in my life is at stake. I know that the enemy continually demands, either directly or indirectly, from my Father to allow him, the devil, to try me. And when such permission is granted, I know that the devil will stretch me beyond my limits. But I also know that God has promised that He will help me to overcome and endure. Jesus has never promised that He will exempt me from my sufferings, but He promised that He will give me strength and will teach me to overcome and endure until the end. I am determined to carry my cross daily to the end, overcome and endure. I am also determined to get a good reward in God’s kingdom. In my battles I cannot afford to step back -- I do not have anywhere to step back -- there is only moving forward.
 
5. There is nothing more that can send shivers to the kingdom of Satan and to his army of demons than if the children of God continue pledging their allegiance to Master Jesus through constant thanksgiving for their every affliction, torment, humiliation and persecution from the enemy. 
 
6. Remember ... this life is very short in light of eternity.  Whatever suffering God allows during our few years on this earth, no matter how painful it is, it cannot be compared to the eternal weight of glory it is going to bring us.  That is God's Word!  (See: 2 Cor. 4:17-18). 
To those who feel betrayed by God and to those who want to know the Truth

If you once were on fire for God, fervent in prayer and in Bible reading, but gradually have become bitter at God because of your problems and/or sufferings, the following writing is for you personally. 

Since I have been where you are right now and I understand the emotional pain and depression which you are afflicted by, I would like to present to you a couple of steps that helped me to obtain freedom from the power of Satan.

My way to deliverance: 
1. God helped me to see that Jesus does not hate me and does not curse me.
I went to see the “Passion of the Christ”. By watching the sufferings of Christ I have realized that Christ did not hate me. Demons had convinced me that God hated me and cursed me and that Christ did not suffer a lot of physical and emotional pain. Their lie became firmly entrenched in my mind. I was tormented by this lie for two years. God through the movie broke the power of darkness in my mind; I saw that Jesus not only did not hate me, but also suffered greatly for me. This was my first and the most important step to my freedom.

2. By reading born again testimonies I understood that I am not alone in my torments and sufferings. Before coming to Christ, many people underwent much more pain and sufferings than I have ever experienced.
In the beginning of my deliverance process, the demons so firmly controlled my mind that I could not understand the Bible and I could not stand hearing or reading the Word of God. (And I had 8 years of experience of studying the Scriptures before shipwrecking my faith!! I even used to lead several Bible classes!!!!)  Yet, I was interested in finding out whether there were Christians who encountered similar struggles to mine. While doing a Google search, God led me to the Precious Testimonies website (http://www.precious-testimonies.com/) . When reading the testimonies, God broke another lie of the enemy that was also firmly entrenched in my mind: I realized that I was NOT ALONE in my troubles, as I used to believe; many suffered far more greatly from Satan. In the testimonies I also was able to see how Satan destroyed others and how Jesus Christ set free ransacked lives of many people and gave them freedom and new life.

Truly “they (Christians) overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. (Rev 12:11)

After my repentance I decided to commit my entire life to Christ. I signed my first covenant with God in which I gave up to God all my earthly dreams, my desires and hopes. I gave up to God all my rights to decide whether I would have a career or not and whether I would be married or not. In my covenant I committed to serve God regardless of whether I am single or married or whether I have my career or not.

While studying the Scriptures after my conversion, I have realized that the main reason I shipwrecked my faith was that I was never taught the sound doctrine of Jesus Christ. In the first century, Christians were tortured and died for Christ and DID NOT deny Christ. I simply did not get my selfish desires fulfilled and I rejected Christ!!! 

In the first century, Christians were taught the doctrine of Jesus about enduring suffering and persecutions for Christ. I was never taught or ever heard about counting my cost of following Christ. I have never heard that I had to endure sufferings for Jesus or that I had to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Christ. I had never heard or been taught that I had to give up my selfishness in order to follow Jesus (let alone learn how to discern what selfishness really is!)

Instead, in Christian books I learned the teachings of demons about God wanting to fulfill all desires of my heart.  It was only my fault that I believed everything I read in the Christian books and practiced the teachings of demons. I did not do what God commanded me in His Word. I did not test every spirit against the Word of God and I did not watch out for false prophets and false teachers; as a result, I believed many doctrines of demons.

And when Jesus did not fulfill the earthly desires of my heart and when the troubles came in my life as Jesus promised in John 16:13, I did not know how to endure and I finally collapsed.

I have learned that the ultimate purpose of teachings of demons is to deceive the elect and to cause shipwreck of their faith.

Here are teachings of demons I believed. These doctrines of Satan are prevalent in many churches, books, tapes and CD's and the Internet:

1)  “That God wants to prosper you materialistically and that ‘being content with what you have’ (See: 1 Tim 6:8 & Heb. 13:5) means never settling for less than million-dollar contentment.”

2) “That God wants to grant you every desire of your heart, and His perfect will is to answer every prayer you pray – answering it just the way you expect Him to.”  (In other words, selfishness need not be taken into account).

3)  “That Satan was totally destroyed at the Cross, and that the devil is powerless over the lives of Christians, so don’t even waste one minute of your time thinking about the devil anymore.  Otherwise, you just give him glory that is due Jesus.” 

4) Satan is chained and cannot touch and harm Christians -- Satan can only bluff. The time of Job has passed because Jesus defeated Satan on the cross. Hence, Satan cannot accuse Christians before God. Satan also cannot take anything away from Christians.

5) You do not need to suffer for Christ. Persecutions are not valid for Christians anymore. Christians do not need to suffer and will not suffer in the courtiers where the right for religious freedom is established.

6) God always wants you to be physically healed without any other issues taken into consideration.  What if God wants to take that sick person home to heaven?  What if God wants to teach that sick person something they would not learn any other way, such as learning to glorify God in their infirmity?  What about people who take communion without properly judging themselves?  Scripture says that people can get sick and die young for not properly judging themselves.  (See: 1 Corinthians 11:29-31).  In seems to me that wisdom would have us view physical healing much like the issue of sin.  We know God wants all sin to be removed from planet earth, but that is not going to happen until sometime in the future.  Though we're on safe ground to believe that healing of all kind/s certainly is in the atonement for God's people, we must be very wise to not let the devil shipwreck our faith as we seek God for healing ... especially if the healing doesn't come this side of heaven.

7) Never say, "Nevertheless, not my will but God’s will be done in my life," if you did not get something you desired from God. "You do not know God’s will for your life, hence, you simply need to ask more persistently for God to do for you what you want."   

There are many more -- much more subtle doctrines of demons being taught.  You MUST NEVER believe everything you hear at church or read in Christian books before testing whether the teaching is consistent with the whole Word of God (Old Testament and New Testament). NEVER EVER blindly believe Christian teachers and pastors regardless how popular they are, how many books they have written and how successful their ministries are. Always THOROUGHLY test every word of Christian teachings against the Word of God.

Remember - doctrines of demons never teach you that you MUST SUFFER FOR CHRIST, MUST RESIST SATAN and MUST DENY YOURSELF, TAKE UP YOUR CROSS and FOLLOW CHRIST.  Most all doctrines of demons are very comfortable to our flesh – they are almost always about what God can do for us and never what we are to do to PLEASE and SERVE God. 

Satan’s doctrines almost always feed our fleshly, selfish desires; seek to pervert the accurate meaning and application of the Word of God; seek to discredit the accuracy and authenticity of God's Word; seek to strip God of the glory He is due; seek to deceive and tempt people to hate God when it should be the devil they should be hating. 

Satan wants people to believe hell is not real so there will never be any Godly fear to turn from their wicked, sinful ways -- demons do not exist or at least have any power over truly born again believers anyway, because that way Christians won't seek God for what part they should be playing in helping combat demonic involvement on this planet and in the lives of loved ones.  The list of Satan's deception keeps going and going ...

Satan has tried, and will stop at nothing to keep trying, to keep people from realizing that God's Word is the only absolute moral authority in written form that God endorses and empowers.   

This is God’s commandment that you test all the teachings you hear at church or read in books or on the Internet and watch out for false prophets and false teachers. 

1 John 4:1   Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

Philippians 3:2  Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.

Remember - the doctrines of demons are very effective in destroying Christians should you believe them and practice them. The doctrines of demons will make you either ineffective for Jesus’ kingdom and send you in pursuit of your selfishness or they will lead you to collapse of your faith.

Satan is dead serious about waging the war against followers of Christ. ONLY those who abide in the sound doctrine of Christ will be able to survive the fierce attacks of the enemy and receive the “crown of life” from God.

In order to be able to test the spirits, you must know the Word of GOD and the sound doctrine of Christ in particularly. Do not simply rely on others to teach you, do not simply trust what is written in Christian books. Ask God to teach you personally.

GET INTO HABIT STUDYING THE SCRIPTURES DILIGENTLY EVERYDAY. Ask God to teach you his word and how to discern between the lie and the truth.

GOD WILL TEACH YOU HIS WORD AS THIS IS HIS PROMISE.

God warns us that we can eventually be destroyed from the lack of God’s Knowledge.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children. (Hos 4:6)

The Scriptures also say that our ignorance of God’s Word is NEVER an excuse before God.

And if a soul sin, and commit any of these things which are forbidden to be done by the commandments of the LORD; though he knew it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity. (Lev 5:17 )

God expects us to know His Word; God promises that He will teach us His Word. Study His Word everyday; memorize the Scriptures; for this is one of the most important ways to grow spiritually, abide in Christ; fight against the enemy; and survive the true/bare Christianity.

Since my conversion God has led me to study King James Version of the Scriptures accompanied with Strong’s dictionary. God has also directed me to study the definition of original ancient Greek and Hebrew words used in the Scriptures. God has taught me one of the most important lessons from my studying the original Ancient Greek words used in New Testament. I have learned that a number of very important meanings are either lost in translation or cannot be conveyed fully in English language.

I was surprise to find out that NIV and ESV do not give a complete translation of a number of verses, but omit very important words and phrases and even delete entire verses!!! All contemporary translations are corrupted. For a complete list of omissions please go to URL: http://www.av1611.org/biblecom.html

In a year after commencing my KJV Bible study, I have discovered the reason I could not understand the scriptures as much as from reading KJV Bible only.  If you are interested to learn more about the accuracy of KJV Bible and the errors of contemporary Bible versions like NIV please go to URL:http://www.chick.com/information/bibleversions/teeth.asp

I strongly recommend that you study ONLY King James Version of the Scriptures. KJV Bible is indeed a living Word of God that has a power to renew your mind and help you to resist the enemy.

God WILL give you understanding of KJV Bible language. He WILL guide you into all His truth in the Scriptures. Jesus promised “when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13) OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL.

Remember you can NEVER outwit Satan’s lie by your own power, ONLY in the power of Jesus will you be able to detect the lie of the enemy. 

I encourage you to study the Scriptures diligently, every day. God is the BEST teacher. Not a single book or sermon can substitute God’s direct guidance and teachings. God desires for His children to know the truth and exercises their senses to discern between good and evil as it is said in Hebrews 5:14.

I am not the only victim of Satan’s lie; there are many that are going through similar troubles I went through. It is only because of God’s great mercy and grace that He drew me back to Him and delivered me from the power of Satan.

May God use my testimony for spreading the Kingdom of Jesus and for destruction of the kingdom of Satan.

If you are being tormented by demonic forces, or are ready to give up Christianity because you feel God has betrayed you like I had been deceived into believing He had betrayed me, feel free to contact me by clicking the link below. I will be glad to be of use to my Master Jesus.