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Friday, May 30, 2014

In Your Head: Hearing Voices

Despite their association with mental illness, auditory hallucinations don't always torment those who hear them. In fact, only one out of every three so-called "voice hearers" requires psychiatric help. The other two don't experience difficulties and may even consider their voices supportive or inspiring.
"My voices know me better than anyone else, and they also protect and comfort me," says Jacqui Dillon, head of a London support group for voice hearers. She and other group members report that voices can alert them to oncoming cars and suspicious passersby, provide encouragement during stressful times, and offer reminders to pick things up at the grocery store.

Whether they threaten or soothe, auditory hallucinations usually begin after trauma: Seventy percent of people who hear voices first detect them following physical or sexual abuse, an accident, or the loss of a loved one. "The emotion they feel about their trauma complicates how they interpret the voices," says Sara Tai, a psychologist at the University of Manchester in England who studies why some hallucinators thrive while others end up in psychiatric care. Typically, the greater the trauma, the more likely voices will sound threatening.

Researchers haven't pinpointed the specific neural mechanisms at work, but brain scans show that areas of the brain that process sound and store memories appear more active during auditory hallucinations, as if previous experiences were being replayed.
For those terrorized by voices, anti-psychotic drugs help in only 30 percent of cases. Audrey Reid, a 35-year-old who hears seven different voices, says that five years of medication silenced her friendly, positive polyphony, but not the intimidating chatter. "The negative voices had more room to attack and bullied me even more," she says, recalling how they made sexually demeaning comments and criticized how she made coffee.
Self-help groups such as the Hearing Voices Network favor an alternative approach. Members view voices as a normal part of life, not a mental illness, and use coping strategies to help manage voices without necessarily eliminating them. Contrary to most psychiatrists' advice, HVN members believe people should engage with their voices.
Reid credits this approach with her ability to live comfortably with her voices. She has become so accustomed to their company that their temporary absence last year startled her: "I felt bereft and a bit lost without them."

Case Study: Audrey Reid, 35, of Dundee, Scotland

Reid believes that internal utterances improve her quality of life by:
  • Helping her assess people. Reid says her voices can accurately judge a person's character, which has been essential to starting and ending romantic relationships.
  • Reducing anxiety. She often becomes nervous before speaking at conferences. Her voices force her to breathe and to relax.
  • Providing entertainment. Her voices have different personalities, and Reid enjoys listening to them argue with one another. Sometimes she laughs out loud at their snide comments and running commentary on the outside world.
  • Helping make decisions. Reid says they analyze her options and advise her after reaching "group decisions."
  • Encouraging spirituality. The voices provide a moral compass and warn her when actions may harm her or others.

God Protected Me

You wanna know what happened to me in San Diego? I got there, the first night was crazy. It was not like how my mom gave me the impression it would be. I was feeling good, and wanted to spend time with my aunt, and she was going to bed after telling me that my teeth were fucked up from grinding my teeth and that I needed to take the whatever it was, that recipe in the email I showed you after playing scrabble in the shed. I got high really quick in the morning before I left for San Diego, and that was it. I could have gotten high the entire time I was in San Diego, but I didn't. And I was feeling confident and good cause I traveled somewhere by myself and didn't like get on the wrong train or anything, and I wanted to show her the stuff I had been doing, the good stuff like design n shit, and she just wanted to go to bed. I understand that she is having medical stuff going on, but she couldn't stay awake for another fifteen minutes to sit and chat with me about other things besides dope and my fucking teeth and sleep n shit? 

She went to bed, and I was feeling bummed, but hey, thats nothing new because no one wants to hear what I have to say or see all the cool stuff I try and prosper from. I put on country music, and didn't feel like being on my laptop, so i went into the living room to watch tv, and start reading where I left off in the bible. Of course, the bible was on my phone, and I found it quite odd that certain parts were highlighted in red. Like, it wasn't only "jesus's words/god's words, it was other words and sentences that weren't things that I think should have been highlighted. and that was when that same stupid mother fucking voice told me Im going to kill you. It was unexpected, but at this point just annoying, and I told him he was ugly and that he was wasting his time. Apparently I really pissed him off, cause it continued with tormenting me, telling me horrible things, that it was going to kill you, etc. And I got nervous because i felt him telling me this from behind me at first, but then to the other room where I was going to sleep after watching tv, then to the kitchen, and then back behind me again. I always either grab my necklace when I get nervous or run my hands through my hair to get it out of my face. And I felt pressure on my throat, not from myself, or my necklace, like the mother fucker was choking me. it wasn't like, how a human would choke another person, but things that aren't of this world, they have to be really strong to cause physical damage. I know that for spirits of any kind, just to make something move a lil bit, or make a light go on or off, even create odor or a smell takes alot, and most can't do even that. 

Freaking out at this point, and not wanting to be where I was sitting, I moved and stood up in front of the tv, wanting a cig of course but he must have moved into the room where they were because I couldn't go in there. And when I thought I was safe or that he had left or wanted a break from tormenting me, he would tell me I'm going to kill you. And his laugh wasn't kool at all. I really don't want to go into all details of what he said, because its fucking too intense and I really don't want to think about it, or replay it in my head. 

My aunts dog came for like thirty seconds, and then left again, my aunt has 3 dogs and one cat. Dogs are way loving and need attention, and after how freaked out I was, I know they weren't sleeping, and Im sure my aunt wasn't either. I didn't know what else to do, I felt completely helpless at this point, and I prayed, (however it is one does that) and after being tormented for what felt like another forever, a voice told me "I'll protect you." 

It wasn't the same evil voice that had been fucking with me, it was a different one. Still sounded weird, but definitely not as nasty or deep, it was much lighter. I thought maybe it was another bad one or the same one fucking with me some more, but I could actually feel the evil and darkness begin to leave. Im not sure how long it took em to leave, but the dog came back out, and I almost felt like everything dark and evil had left. And when I felt like it had completely, I said/prayed thank you. I got up to get my pack of smokes and a lighter, still a lil freaked out and looking around the rooms just to be sure, and I sat back down and I felt completely certain that everything bad had left. And the feeling I felt was crazy, intense, and just good. I don't know how to better explain or describe that. I thanked him again, and then the same good voice said "love me". 


I thought to myself for a minute before going outside to smoke my cigarette. I had been crying, and I lit my cigarette, I sat down on the bench, and looked up at the sky, the moon was gorgeous. And the clouds parted quite quicker than normal in opposite directions of the moon, creating a circle around it. And the feeling that I can't really describe or explain, was something i had to sit and hang on to, for its the best feeling in the world. I saw a hand formed in the clouds over the moon making a come with me motion, still feeling this wonderful feeling. and then i went back inside with no fear at all, no bad presence, and i sat back in the same corner on the couch where all the evil talking had started and went to sleep.